Monday, November 13, 2017

1870 Welcome to the University of Buzzard

1870 Welcome to the University of Buzzard

For-profit colleges will take almost anyone. That means almost anyone can earn a college degree. Maybe “get a college degree” is a better way to put it.  And that means that college degrees don’t mean what they’re “supposed” to.

It’s not that you can’t get an education at the various mail order schools.  And many respectable real colleges offer distance learning courses and degrees.

But the secretary of education, Betsy DeVoid has stopped allowing attempted voiding of loans.  So an enterprising lawyer has figured out a workaround.

A loan for a “college” that makes promises of help finding work, that makes promises its credits are transferable, that its credentials will be recognized as legitimate is selling a defective product and should pony up for the remaining money or forgive the loans.

Well, why not. If it’s good enough for PayLess Shoes and Skippy peanut butter, it should be good enough for the University of George. Except the federal government is one of the loan makers or arrangers and so are some private finance companies. So it’s complicated.

Eventually, there will be a class action suit.  And the schools (you know the names, so they won’t be named here) will be forced to pay some humongous amount of a settlement. They lawyers will get one third of the payout. And each affected student will get 29 cents and a coupon for a free taco. (Regular size only. Some restrictions may apply. Photocopies not accepted.)

As for the schools themselves, it’s tough to separate the legitimate ones from the phonies.  But the community of employers (how vague is that?!) is unlikely to accept your credential.

Unless your veterinarian (the one who amputated the wrong leg) is a graduate of the University of George, she is unlikely to accept your mail order sheepskin.

So… fraud, defective product, false advertising? What’s not to love. It’ll keep flagging employment in the legal “profession” flying with new opportunities abounding.  It’ll keep rinkydink advertising companies healthy. It may fix a broken school system.  

And you’re going to love that free taco.

Sponsored content:
The University of Buzzard is proud to announce the first on-line medical college in America.  Get your MD degree in fewer than 18 months and join the ranks of Park Avenue cosmetic surgeons, life-saving organ replacement experts and Medicare overbillers.

Imagine the daily excitement of stitching wounds, extracting bullets and treating drug overdoses in the emergency room of a big city hospital.  Imagine hiding your sexual predation behind the mask of a friendly OBGYN specialty.

Our faculty, led by President Bertha Brunkhaussen, CNA, includes some of the leading practitioners in the USA, India, Uzbekistan and Uganda.  Sign up today and get a free Skype account.

Why play doctor when you can BE a doctor and learn from the comfort of your own home.  Send for a free booklet today. Write to us at PO Box 5, Buzzard Roost Mississippi 39452.  For faster service call us toll free at 1800- CARRION.

--Sadly, there will be no WestraDamus year ender this year and we have abandoned the website. There is no way to make fun of 2017 at least in a ‘Damus kind of way.  Maybe notes from the Non-Prophet will pop up here or here .

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
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All sponsored content on this page is parody.
© WJR 2017

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