Wednesday, January 31, 2018

1899 The US Ambassador to the United States

Okay, big government lovers, here’s a suggestion for a new addition.  We need to establish diplomatic relations with the United States of America.  It’s not enough to live here.  Or to be a citizen here.  We need full diplomatic relations.

So let’s build a nice embassy on a quiet, dignified street in, say, Georgetown and appoint someone with some gravitas to represent our interests to this budding third world nation.

We could call the building something truly stately, oh… like the trump Tower South. Make it bigger than those of lesser countries like Britain and Germany.  And we could do what US embassies all around the world have done since the dawn of electrification:  spy on everyone else. Including ourselves.

Think of the parties we could throw. Think of the enormous influence a US Ambassador to the US could have in our capital, Cairo on the Potomac.

If nothing more, we could serve as an example to the witches and warlocks in the White House.  Nah. Forget that part.  The White House witches and warlocks have shown they can’t learn new tricks. Like diplomacy.  Or rolling over. Or playing dead. Or saying much beyond “Polly Wanna Cracker.”

Since prior experience is a foreign concept to the newly installed ambassadors from here to -- wherever, let’s find a nice sensible person with no known credentials in international relations but who meets the trump administration standard of being a stable genius with an excellent memory and presidential grade sartorial elegance.

Someone like Mark Zuckerberg.  Or Cee Lo Green. The US ambassador to the US should look humble as befits our emerging status as The New Bangladesh. Or flashy as befits our status as the Next Duchy of Fenwick.

There’s a problem here.  What happens if this country feels the need to recall its ambassador to itself?

--The State of the Union speech is over. But who was that guy who delivered it, someone who sounded almost human?  It certainly wasn’t the fella we sort of elected, and it probably will go down in history as one of the longest series of lies and tall tales ever told.

--There are two kinds of State of the Union speeches, the long detailed lecture ala Clinton and the attempted heart tugging, ala Reagan and Kennedy. Last night’s was an attempt at the latter.  With a little war monging and racism thrown in.

--Amazon, JP Morgan Chase and Berkshire Hathaway are going into the health insurance business.  That’ll mean a change in the way you’re billed.  Pay with your Chase check, then stick it in the Amazon drone that comes to your door, collects and then sends it to the nearest Burlington Northern station where it’ll be rail-delivered to an accounting center in South Dakota.

-This year’s big Grammy winner, Bruno Mars, isn’t a real person… he’s a computer animation based on a combination of Michael Jackson, Gerald McBoingboing and Jennifer Hudson.

-Google AdSense has rejected this URL as an advertising venue which means that any ads you see here still are parody.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
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© WJR 2018

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