Monday, May 14, 2018

1944 There's an App for That

Soon we won’t have to do anything for ourselves anymore.  There’s an app for it.  Something on your smartphone that will do something you have to do and don’t like or want to do or couldn’t.

Let’s say you live in a high crime area and you’re out for dinner. All the neighborhood burglars are wise to your lights turning on and off at various times.  So they know when your living room light goes on automatically at sundown.

You no longer can fool them with a timer that turns your living room light on at a certain time. But now’s the time to go high tech.  What if the lights in various rooms went on and off at random times.  TV sets blared sounds first in the living room, then shut off and went upstairs where your bedroom TV went on and blared loud?

There’s an app for that.

You can be sitting at ringside at the Hotsy Totsy Strip Club … or the prayer meeting at church and using your smartphone turn your house lights on and off, ring your home phone seven times, run the “tub clean” cycle on your home laundry machine and even mimic the sound of a barking Irish Wolfhound, a dog no one who hears would dare to mess with.

But let’s not remain simple.  How about an app for washing the dishes, cleaning the oven, doing the laundry? Of course that would require the assistance of a robot or two.  So you may have to wait. Siri, Cordoba, and Google Assist aren’t that able.  Yet.

But wait. There’s always iLevitate. Yes!  So far it’s exclusive to Verizon customers with the iPhone XXIII.IV.  But soon it will spread to the other carriers.  The laundry will levitate its way to the washing machine.

And of course, you can control your washing with your smartphone anywhere there’s cell or wireless service. No problem.

Did you turn the coffee maker off before leaving the house? You can check.

There’s an app for that.

Of course new apps bring with them new hackers.  

How do you know your apps have been hacked?

Well, let’s say it’s mid February.  You come home, find the house at 28 degrees.  There are two possibilities:

1.    The furnace died.
2.    You’ve been hacked and some kid in Bulgaria turned your AC on or opened your electronic windows.

When the robo caller rings, wouldn’t you like to strike back?  Maybe play a Sousa March or send a loud and shrill tone back over the phone?

There’s an app for that.

Got a nasty neighbor?  Want to send a flurry of weeds to grow in his lawn?

Did you forget your anniversary or someone’s birthday?

Want to send a little 5,000 volt jolt to the guy who keeps talking or phoning when you paid 40 bucks for a pair of movie tickets?

All together now:  There’s an app for that.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
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© WJR 2018

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