2119 Arrow Analytics

2119 Arrow Analytics

Seventeen arrows hit the target, none in the bullseye. Four others fell short  Another 25 hit the hay bales behind it.

Corporations in fear of a Democrat in the White House are getting all squishy about their mission.  Some members of the Business Roundtable have decided that “shareholder value” no longer needs to be their main goal.  They want to be “good corporate citizens.” They want to be ethical. They want to keep their employees happy.  And their customers.

Great idea, boys and girls. Probably a good way to bolster profits in the long run and attract those juicy millennial customers and workers.  But it’s also time to take a look at executive compensation.

Don’t worry.  This is not going to become a screed about avaricious CEOs who earn 480% more than the workers.  It’s simply a new way to promote a saner form of bonuses and other perks. 

CEO as Archer:

It’s simple. Take that rarely used Swedish Modern conference table, get rid of the Eames chairs and the Ben Carson-ish table and install an archery range.

Nice big target.  Rings and a bullseye the labels marked with dollar amounts.  Give the top ten bosses the bows and arrows and let them try for the bullseye.  That’s where the big bucks are.  Outer rings get lesser amounts.  And if the shooters miss the targets entirely, they have to give back part of their salaries.  And pay for repairs to the wall.

Not fair, you say?  Illogical? Discriminates against people with weaker arms; less steady body control or eyesight? Pishposh. Weaklingism is not a protected class.

At least those who hit the target will have a marketable skill unlike most CEOs.   There’s an increasing call for archery instructors these days, what with all those AK 47s being confiscated.  And those who fail to hit the target can practice for next year with a computer game that supposedly sharpens your bow and arrow skills.

(Here’s hoping it works better than the app that claims to improve your golf swing or the one that helps you become a more successful bowler.)

In the world of shareholder value and other fake reasons for corporations to cook the books, no analyst will look doltish because accuracy will no longer determine what’s on his paycheck.

Compensation for accomplishment and punishment for wrong guesses? How yesterday is that?

SHRAPNEL:

--We’re due for a recession because we’re three years over the usual seven years between them.  Or not.  To remind, a “recession” is two consecutive quarterly contractions of the Gross Domestic Product.

--Who makes up these definitions?  The same people who post GDP figures.  And the people who revise the figures two weeks later.

--All the Republicans went boo-hoo back when the Federal Reserve lowered interest rates.  Now, they’re all for one because it’ll make voters happy. Having it both ways is not how we define fair play and also shores up the notion that politicians should keep their dirty hands to themselves and let the few remaining folks in charge who still know how this machinery works do what we pay them for.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®

Comments? Send ‘em here: wesrichards@gmail.com

© WJR 2019