Monday, May 10, 2021

4724 Informed Delivery

 

The Post Office has a new trick up its sleeve.  It’s a “service” called “Informed Delivery.”  Sign up, log in, see pictures of the mail that either is or soon will be in your mailbox.

 

If your mailbox is inconveniently situated a block or more from the house, it can save you the schlep there only to find there’s nothing inside.  It’s a big time saver.

 

Someone bought some cameras for the USPS. Now they photograph everything.  They’re slower than ever in delivery and here’s why.  Every time they stop the sorters to take a picture, some piece of mail moves and they have to do retakes.

 

The more creative postal photographers will photoshop some pieces of mail.  Usually that means cropping part of the picture, so you don’t know what’s in the envelope or who it’s from.  But the day is near that the real creative types at the post office will edit the pictures for entertainment value.

 

The gas bill will thus be transformed into a desert island scene or a lush field of oats or onions. The propaganda from your congressman will be changed into a picture of a lighthouse at sunrise.

 

Thus, just by clicking on your Informed Delivery account, you will be transported to all kinds of exotic and far flung places. Looking at Bali is much more fun than looking at the credit card bill or the ad for some schlock shop down the road.

 

But the whole photography thing raises some questions.  The biggest of them?  Why take pictures in the first place? Is it so you can see whether each piece of mail was properly placed in the correct mailbox?  What if it wasn’t?  Do you put it in the “outgoing” slot? Destroy it?  Read someone else’s copy of the LL Bean Catalog or “Soldier of Fortune” magazine, then recycle it?

 

If the postal service is being used as a photography school, why not also focus on movies.  Think of it… not just pictures of your mail but animations of cute little critters hauling each letter before the camera.  We know some mice and ducks and bunnies and that would be perfect.

 

Maybe Cancan dancers can hold each of your letters in an attractive tribute to the Rockettes of Radio City Music Hall.  Or how about animated Pony Express ponies.

 

Add a musical score and before you know it, the Post Office will be in competition with YouTube and Netflix.

 

SHRAPNEL:

--Are you shocked that the Kentucky Derby winning horse failed a post-race drug test?  You can bet the owner and trainer were.  At least that’s what it looked like.

 

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®

Any Questions? wesrichards@gmail.com

© WR 2021

 


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