Wednesday, October 03, 2018

2002 An Evil Genius Lurks Belowground

Those who shop online surely have noticed that you can never repack anything you buy.  If Rubik’s Cube isn’t enough for you… if you can piece together a jigsaw puzzle with only one eye open, there’s something more challenging you can sink your mind and hands into.

Of course, it’s not just online shopping.  Today, at a real store, someone bought a small electronic accessory.  It came in a cube-like box about 3x4x5 inches. 

Opening it was difficult. It was held closed by little transparent stickers with glue good enough to hold heat tiles on a re-entering spaceship.

But that was only the beginning. The box contained the gizmo, a cord to plug it in, a pouch to store it, an instruction book, registration materials and ad for the manufacturer’s other products.

The interior of the box was like the interior of a Victorian House -- little rooms with doors that open in unknown and seemingly changing directions.  All of this was contained in a plain brown cardboard boxlette within the box.

There seems no reason to re-pack it because the stuff works as advertised. But if someone wanted to, he’d have to have hands with the dexterity of a concert violinist but the size of a newborn.

Somewhere on this planet, probably in China, is an evil genius who devises this kind of packaging.  He should be taken out of his subbasement laboratory and drafting room and shamed in the square of public opinion.  And while the ceremony is going on, someone should sneak down into the lab and trash it.

The other side of this coin?  You receive the mini makeup kit you ordered from HSN or QVC and it comes in something the size of a shoebox and is stuffed with an inflated strip of transparent plastic in the shape of a soldier’s ammo belt.

Amazon is pretty good about cathedral size packages that hold tiny objects, too. If a book you order is a few millimeters too big for a padded envelope, they send it in a shoebox with not one, but two inflatable ammo belts to hold the book steady in transit.

If the box is small, it’s going to be heavy.  If the box is big, hold on tight because it’s light enough to float away… or for the wind to blow it off your doorstep.

--How’s this for veterinary prowess? A box turtle at the Baltimore zoo cracked, so while the shell heals, they’ve fixed up a walker made of Legos so the turtle can get around on its own.  Now that’s thinking outside the box…

-Grammarly has announced a beta test on Google Docs so be sure to stock up on superfluous Oxford commas and unnecessary hyphens.

Here’s a handy supply for you: Grammarly has announced a beta-test on the internet-site Google, which is the largest, most-dominating, and most- probably among the fastest, search service on the Internet.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
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© WJR 2018

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