Monday, October 15, 2018

2007 Self Driving Cars Beware


Here at the Wessays (™) Secret Mountain Laboratory, we are developing a robot designed to carjack self-driving vehicles.  Eat your heart out, thugs.

No one gets hurt.  And our fleet of robots gets some spiffy new cars.  The technology is there, but there are some glitches to work out.  For example, driverless cars are not on the road empty, at least not most of the time.

Current work is on a machine to detect a living being in the vehicle.  In other words, we don’t want to bother with people at all, just the machinery.  There’s a growing market for this kind of tin overseas.

We have the chop shop thing down pat.  No people there either.

You may ask why would a self-driving car be driving itself without passengers? That’s another little problem to be solved. But it’s bound to happen.  You never know when one of these machines will decide to take a trip empty.

We’ve been hunting for good advice on this project. Elon doesn’t take our calls.  We can’t find Bob Lutz.  Lee Iacocca is 93 years old and he spends most of his free time fixing his K-car.  Preston Tucker and Mad Man Muntz are long gone. Carlos Ghosn has too much on his plate already, what with heading two doddering makers halfway around the world from each other.  And we found out Chubby Checker has nothing to do with Checker Cabs. Still, the work continues apace.

One thing we unexpectedly got done: Our robots can retrieve unoccupied self driving cars involved in accidents.  They’re kind of like giant robot vacuum cleaners combined with drones and hot air balloons.

The current plan is a crowdfunding for grant money we’d award to promising college students.  We tried to buy a mailing list of kids underwater on student loans, but the only ones we can find are of former students old enough for Medicare and still paying off that Acme Auto Schools tuition.

And we checked the couch.  Nothing.

-I am the only person I know who has owned both a Renault and a Fiat and loved them both despite their flaws, the list of which is endless.

--Only in Ireland!  With Brexit looming, no one can quite figure out where the border with Northern Ireland is.  The north is British, the south isn’t and will remain in the EU.

--That fluid border would drive the US anti-immigrant crowd nuts. It once was heavily fortified as the two countries warred.  But now people from each side wander freely to the other.

--Is this going to renew the troubles? If they put up customs stations, traditional targets, they’ll have to call the cops to protect them and then the army to protect the cops. And then they’ll fly drones, which will become targets.

Ireland-Northern Ireland border.  You figure it out

Preview: Our thoughts on Sears Wednesday 10/17. But you already know there are no members of the Eddie Lampert fan club in this corner.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
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© WJR 2018

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