Batteries not included -- or needed.
With apologies to Mickey Spillane.
I don’t like writing in the first person. But this “accomplishment” is worth a few hundred words. I have become a Federal Government employee -- at least for a while.
So be careful, all you ne’er do wells. I have your numbers.
I have been accepted as something called a “field service supervisor” with the Census bureau. This is contingent on my passing a background check and passing three days of training in a local library known for its catering to illiterates.
Next week, I will be fingerprinted. That’s nothing new. That happened several times before. Two adoptions, press cards from two jurisdictions and a one-finger print for quick access to all the secrets of Bloomberg data, emails and the computer programs that I needed to put my programs on the air.
The FBI probably also has info on me from investigating my friend of many years Dave van Ronk. Goodness! One time I actually had a drink with him. And FBI agents were waiting in the men’s room of the bar where we were drinking.
I am not shuddering in anticipation. I have no criminal record and I’m old.
Also, I have to pass the training. And I will because I know how to fake academic reality, such as there is of it and twist it to my secretly held nefarious purposes, which include… nothing I can think of.
There I will be, supervising the people who decide how big your congressional district is, who is legal, who isn’t and whether you have had a child living with your sister in Uruguay.
--So begins the trial of the century. It has its own built-in jury tamperers. And remember... if the glove doesn’t fit, you must acquit.
--The impeachment trial is more like Casey Anthony than OJ Simpson. In Anthony’s case, no one could prove an actual crime had been committed. If you listen to trump’s defenders, there hasn’t been a crime here, either.
I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
I’m thinking of returning to a thrice weekly format. Any opinions?
Please send comments to firstname.lastname@example.org
© WJR 2020