News media and bookie joints were ordered to remove these devices years ago. Now we must root through the garbage to find coy and correspondence we had “put on hold.” Anyone know how long the Coronavirus lives on paper? In any event, spike 2020.
With too little guidance from the now-retired non-prophet WestraDamus, I wondered what happened in 2020. Searching the tabloids didn’t help. Also, the near-tabloids disguised as what we used to call “broadsheets.”
“Broadsheets” is so very politically incorrect. You know what I mean, though. Even the big snooty newspapers like the NY Times and the Washington Post have or sometimes use horoscopes. But at least they’re buried amid trivia like recipes, theater criticism, ship arrivals and college sports scores.
Here’s something surprising. TV News has yet to climb on the horoscope bandwagon.
Anderson Cooper: “Now for a look at the reasons for the Covid pandemic, here’s CNN’s Chief Astrologer Moonbeam Barbara.
MB: The moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter’s aligned with Mars. This means an outpouring of strange germs will fly out of somewhere in the far east and affect everyone.
At the 2PM rundown meeting at NBC Nightly News…
Lester Holt: This is a Very Serious Newscast. I will not permit some talking head “astrological consultant” to explain why the president signed the COVID-19 relief bill only after the old one expired.
Executive Producer: Lester, we must get with the trend. Tell ya what. We’ll kill the cooking segment at the show’s end and give the astrologer 90 seconds.
Holt: It’s not a show. It’s the news.
Holt: Cooking segment?
So to get a good picture of 2020, we need to read “The Year in Review” features. But really, do you need a newspaper or television show to tell you what happened last year?
You may have:
--Fear of the virus.
--A shot of the vaccine.
--A welfare check from the trump administration.
--A hankering for a night out, but the restaurants are all closed.
--A car that doesn’t use nearly the usual amount of gas because you never go anywhere. Three weeks to the gallon is common.
But by now, you’ve probably stockpiled more toilet paper and paper towels than you thought you’d ever use.
Also lying around the house:
--More antibacterial wipes than you thought you’d ever use.
--A touch free thermometer.
--Enough hand sanitizer to keep the Mormon Tabernacle Choir germ free for a season of touring.
--Enough pasta to feed the entire population of Milan Sunday dinners for the next two years.
--Six hundred packets of instant oatmeal.
--Enough frozen vegetables to cover the Green Giant’s factory in Parsippany.
--Two giant packs each of AAA, AA and D-batteries, but none of those stupid 9-volt jobs which you’ve forgotten you need for the smoke alarms.
Also around the house:
--At least one faucet is leaking.
--At least one window shade needs replacement.
--The icemaker stopped making ice but didn’t stop making noise.
And you don’t remember:
--Where you put the spare bags for the vacuum cleaner. Or:
--The unused checks.
--The 2021 health insurance cards that came automatically two days after you didn’t switch carriers.
--Your 2021 wall calendars.
2020 was a year of education. You learned:
--How to use Zoom, Skype, WhatsApp, iChat, Google Chat.
--How to build a home office from scratch.
--Who your friends are… and aren’t.
--How to order foods online from the grocery that’s in easy driving distance.
--Your European shoe size.
Hell of a year, right? Or maybe Hell of a year, “Far Right.”
I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Any Questions? email@example.com
© WIR 2021
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