Wednesday, May 20, 2020

4591 The Old Dope Peddler

Tom Lehrer wrote a song about the old dope peddler. In part: When the shades of night are falling
Comes a fellow everyone knows
It's the old dope peddler
Spreading joy wherever he goes

Tom is a retired math professor who moon-lit as a singer-songwriter. He was born on April 9, 1928 which makes him 92 years old.  And a lot has happened to that neighborhood scourge.  The Old Dope Peddler is sitting in an office at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington DC 37188.

He’s hawking a drug that can cause hallucinations.  If that happens to him, no one will notice.  But it also can cause serious heart conditions.  And if that happens, everyone will know it.  And it’ll be “the biggest heart attack of any president…” (Subject clutches chest. Cannot complete the sentence.)

Someone call 911.

It’s supposed to be used only in formal medical studies or administered in hospitals to patients with Yellow Fever or Malaria.  It works on Yellow Fever. Does it work on Orange Fever?

This stuff is called Hydroxychloroquine. It’s hard to spell. It’s hard to say. It’s hard to tell how much of an investment in the manufacturer trump has.  But the occasionally reliable website Business Insider says it’s a small stake, worth about one thousand dollars.  If enough robots ask for and receive prescriptions, the price will probably rise, shortages -- real and fictional -- will be manufactured and the cheap stock will become a best seller.  For a short time.

He gives the kids free samples
Because he knows full well
That today's young innocent faces
Will be tomorrow's clientele
Here's a cure for all your troubles
Here's an end to all distress
It's the old dope peddler
With his powdered ha-happiness


(NewRoses, PA) -- a local recipient of trump’s welfare check for $1200 a pop received a follow up letter from the IRS. It was printed on White House paper and there was trump thanking the guy for accepting the check. How nice.

(New York) -- A federal judge ruled that trump’s children can be prosecuted for participating in a pyramid scheme.  No problem. Attorney General Barr and the John Roberts Chorale will likely overturn the decision.

“As democracy is perfected, the office of President represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day, the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.” --H.L. Mencken 

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
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© WJR 2020

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