Monday, May 11, 2020

4587 My Kingdom for a Mask

There are 50,000 who look exactly like him in the National Facial Recognition database.

A mask or maybe some exam gloves.

Or Purell for less than the price of a quart of Chanel No.5.

We’re supposed to use all this stuff.  We’re told it’s good to use all this stuff.  We WANT to use all this stuff.  Try and find it.

First dibs go to what we’ve come to call “front line workers.” Doctors, nurses, aides, assistants, EMS workers, cops, firefighters, and on and on should have this stuff first.  But what about the rest of us?

When was the last time you saw a box of Nitrile exam gloves, vinyl gloves, masks, disinfectant wipes, hand sanitizers or even peroxide or rubbing alcohol in any place you’re still allowed to shop?

A local resident ordered some masks from Amazon.  Amazon is known for delivering stuff before you finish filling out the form. That was in early March.  So far, no masks.

How about the shopping channels?  They’re often almost as fast as Amazon.  The story is the same.

You can easily find videos that teach you how to make your own mask out of scarves, pieces of neckties, paper towels or t-shirts.  Fine. We don’t know how effective these DIY projects are. But they sure look snazzy.

The fault, dear Brutus is not in the stars.  Surely people must post lookouts at Walgreens and CVS. Their lookouts watch the loading dock, then rush the place when the doors open, scoop up all the masks, gloves, and hand sanitizer to resell at ridiculous markups. 

Meantime, law enforcement faces a new dilemma.  If people keep wearing masks when they don’t have to, what happens to all that expensive facial recognition software?  Can they still use it on faces that are covered with only the eyes showing?  What about just the eyes and the guy is wearing a hat?


(PARIS) -- French statisticians with the world’s most advanced counting systems report hospitalized smokers are outnumbered by non-smokers 20 to one. So, the government now limits hoarding to one month’s nicotine supply. Light up a Lucky, it’s lights up time. I’d walk a mile for a Camel. Where are Willie the Penguin and the “call for Philip Morrrriiiis” guy when we need them?

(WASHINGTON) -- Sunday is talk show day. Here are some of the highlights: Kevin Hassett, trump economic adviser predicts a 20% unemployment rate (CBS.)  Kudlow says more or less the same (ABC.) Fauci: COVID could cause between 100,000 and 200,000 deaths (CNN.) Sen. Alexander (R-TN) says the only way to economic recovery is more and better testing (NBC.)

-Why don’t crossword puzzles have spell check?
-Why doesn’t spell check accept “spellcheck?”
-How often does a 5-year car battery conk out at age 5 years, two days?
-If there are real IDs, are there also government-issued fake IDs?
-If yes, where can a 17-year-old get one that says she’s 21?
-If your buds are in the wrong ears, does the song play backward?
-What if the guy behind you in the line is only 5’11” away?
-Do you look better with the mask on?
-What happens if you pay for a coffee at the drive thru with a $100 bill? 
And finally, a real question asked on the Quora website: Can you write with a fountain pen in a sauna?

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Any questions?
© WJR 2020

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