Senate Majority Leader Mitch Schadenfreude announcing passage of the someone-will-get-rich Covfefe Virus aid bill.
When I see Mitch McConnell smile, I worry. Someone’s going to get hurt. That was the case when he announced Wednesday morning that the Senate was about to make history in fighting disease and make heroes of everyone else involved in the pandemic. Who will be hurt and how badly? This remains to be seen.
Meanwhile, they handle the virus figures like a sporting playoff or its less important younger brother, an election.
Right now, New York is leading in the fight for new cases, but lags California in the relative proportional death toll. Then there’s Washington State. Washington got out ahead of this by being an early winner in the caseload. But will they be able to hold on to their advancement among some of the less afflicted states?
To investigate these questions, we have assembled a panel of experts, just like the gabfests at Fox and CNN, MSNBC and the like.
Wessays: Welcome to our first guess-t, long-time columnist for the Tacoma Tattler, Reba Starbucks. Reba, what do you think, can Washington make it to the finals?
Reba: I think there’s a good chance. We have more experience than most other teams and we may be able to flatten the curve before, well, Oregon or Montana.
W: Our next guess-t is the late governor of New York, Nelson Rockefeller. Rocky, good to see you!
Rocky: Thanks fella, it’s good to be here. We are building a fine new facility in upper Westchester, the David Rockefeller Institute of Covfeve Research. We expect it to be completed sometime in 2024 at which time we can expect to treat 1,000 outpatients a day.
W: Also, today, allow me to introduce a pharmacist, Larry Merlo, CEO of CVS. Larry, you started as a druggist and now you head one of the largest drug store chains in the country. What is your company doing to make the best of this terrible situation?
Larry: First thing we’re doing is conserving resources. We are doing this in several ways. The first is limiting the length of our register receipts to three feet, eight inches. This will save both paper and ink. Next, we’re taking those few remaining name brand OTC meds off the shelves and replacing them with lower-cost CVS Brands. Third, we are stepping up customer service access to our CareMark health division, now known as CVS Health. We have tripled the number of customer service reps at our corporate megaheadquarters that takes up about half the square mileage of Rhode Island.
W: How many new hires up there in Woonsocket?
W: Rocky, what do you think about the way McConnell and trump have been handling the situation?
Rocky: Uh… well, Bill, now that there are trillions of dollars earmarked for the cause we should do pretty well -- less commission dollars for the Senators and Congressmen who will be paid from receipts for their help.
Starbucks: We don’t need your filthy lucre to solve this problem, Nelson. We’ll do just fine.
W: don’t fight, children. And we’ll be right back after this word from our sponsor, Sideeffex, the modern medication that cures nothing but can cause skin rash, low blood sugar, seizures and sudden death. Ask your doctor if Sideeffex is right for you.
I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
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© WJR 2020