Senate Majority Leader Mitch Schadenfreude announcing passage of
the someone-will-get-rich Covfefe Virus aid bill.
When I see Mitch
McConnell smile, I worry. Someone’s going to get hurt. That was the case when he announced Wednesday
morning that the Senate was about to make history in fighting disease and make
heroes of everyone else involved in the pandemic. Who will be hurt and
how badly? This remains to be seen.
Meanwhile, they handle
the virus figures like a sporting playoff or its less important younger
brother, an election.
Right now, New York is
leading in the fight for new cases, but lags California in the relative
proportional death toll. Then there’s Washington State. Washington got out ahead of this by being an
early winner in the caseload. But will
they be able to hold on to their advancement among some of the less afflicted
states?
To investigate these questions,
we have assembled a panel of experts, just like the gabfests at Fox and CNN,
MSNBC and the like.
Wessays: Welcome to our
first guess-t, long-time columnist for the Tacoma Tattler, Reba Starbucks.
Reba, what do you think, can Washington make it to the finals?
Reba: I think
there’s a good chance. We have more experience than most other teams and we may
be able to flatten the curve before, well, Oregon or Montana.
W: Our next guess-t is
the late governor of New York, Nelson Rockefeller. Rocky, good to see
you!
Rocky: Thanks fella,
it’s good to be here. We are building a fine new facility in upper
Westchester, the David Rockefeller Institute of Covfeve Research. We
expect it to be completed sometime in 2024 at which time we can expect to treat
1,000 outpatients a day.
W: Also, today, allow me
to introduce a pharmacist, Larry Merlo, CEO of CVS. Larry, you started as a
druggist and now you head one of the largest drug store chains in the
country. What is your company doing to make the best of this terrible
situation?
Larry: First thing
we’re doing is conserving resources. We are doing this in several ways. The
first is limiting the length of our register receipts to three feet, eight
inches. This will save both paper and ink. Next, we’re taking those few remaining name
brand OTC meds off the shelves and replacing them with lower-cost CVS
Brands. Third, we are stepping up
customer service access to our CareMark health division, now known as CVS
Health. We have tripled the number of customer service reps at our corporate
megaheadquarters that takes up about half the square mileage of Rhode Island.
W: How many new hires up
there in Woonsocket?
Larry: Nine.
W: Rocky, what do you
think about the way McConnell and trump have been handling the situation?
Rocky: Uh… well,
Bill, now that there are trillions of dollars earmarked for the cause we should
do pretty well -- less commission dollars for the Senators and Congressmen who
will be paid from receipts for their help.
Starbucks: We don’t need your filthy lucre to solve this problem, Nelson. We’ll do just fine.
W: don’t fight,
children. And we’ll be right back after this word from our sponsor,
Sideeffex, the modern medication that cures nothing but can cause skin rash,
low blood sugar, seizures and sudden death. Ask your doctor if Sideeffex is
right for you.
I’m Wes Richards. My
opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Any questions? wesrichards@gmail.com
© WJR 2020
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