Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day. That’s when all the relatives wedge into someone’s house, have a big, elaborate meal followed by impromptu naps, sometimes fueled by alcohol, boredom or some magic, but all-natural chemical component of the traditional turkey.
This year there’s the
Coronavirus. And that’s going to reduce the wedging. Many if not
most of us who normally would travel over the river and through the woods
won’t. (Hmmm. That’s usually a Christmastime activity, but with climate change,
we feel freer to redistribute the bromides.)
This can cause problems. How to
visit with relatives, pretend you’re enjoying yourself and then -- nap.
The most obvious solution is
Zoom. Hey, everyone… let’s get out our computers or smartphones and set
up Zoom Thanksgiving.
That’s okay if there aren’t too many
technophobics or Luddites. But there IS another way:
The Thanksgiving Seance. This is
most effective if a majority of attendees are dead. You haven’t seen
Uncle Frank since his funeral, right? And he wasn’t his usual talkative
self even then. No matter. You have the right crystal ball and the
best Seance meister (look for “seance meisters near me” in Google) and things
will go swimmingly.
Sometimes you have to find and use
their websites. Sometimes they’ll take phone calls. But the best
among them will get your message telepathically. Just don’t wait too
long. There’s big demand at this time of year.
So, there you have a celebration that
is both real and virtual. And you won’t heat up the house by running the
oven all day and then arguing with kibitzers about what cooking temperature to
use and for how long. Plus you won’t have to baste.
Lost recipe? No problem.
Zoom isn’t perfect. Seances are even
iffier. But think of the money you’ll save on food and wine. And
the cleanup will be much easier than usual.
PS:
--There are many in America who may not
eat at all tomorrow. And many of those who do will have nothing that
comes close to a traditional holiday dinner unless you ordinarily celebrate
with an American Cheese on White and eight ounces of milk. Maybe a little
ketchup. Reagan told us ketchup is a vegetable.
With whole families out of work, or
corona infected and destitute, starvation has become as traditional here as it
is in Somalia, just not yet as common.
Empty larders; empty wallets.
Some seniors have to choose whether to
fill their prescriptions or fill part of the empty shelf where they would keep
cans of beans, packages of spaghetti and squeeze bottles of those Reaganistic
“vegetables.”
America has the tools and resources to
fix this. And fix it, it may once we have a real president and congress
comes back from its seemingly endless vacation.
Shame on the government for allowing
this to happen, and shame on us for putting in place a government that knows no
shame.
I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are
my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Any Questions? wesrichards@gmail.com
Wishing you and yours a happy, peaceful
and covid-free holiday.
© WIR 2020
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