Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day. That’s when all the relatives wedge into someone’s house, have a big, elaborate meal followed by impromptu naps, sometimes fueled by alcohol, boredom or some magic, but all-natural chemical component of the traditional turkey.
This year there’s the Coronavirus. And that’s going to reduce the wedging. Many if not most of us who normally would travel over the river and through the woods won’t. (Hmmm. That’s usually a Christmastime activity, but with climate change, we feel freer to redistribute the bromides.)
This can cause problems. How to visit with relatives, pretend you’re enjoying yourself and then -- nap.
The most obvious solution is Zoom. Hey, everyone… let’s get out our computers or smartphones and set up Zoom Thanksgiving.
That’s okay if there aren’t too many technophobics or Luddites. But there IS another way:
The Thanksgiving Seance. This is most effective if a majority of attendees are dead. You haven’t seen Uncle Frank since his funeral, right? And he wasn’t his usual talkative self even then. No matter. You have the right crystal ball and the best Seance meister (look for “seance meisters near me” in Google) and things will go swimmingly.
Sometimes you have to find and use their websites. Sometimes they’ll take phone calls. But the best among them will get your message telepathically. Just don’t wait too long. There’s big demand at this time of year.
So, there you have a celebration that is both real and virtual. And you won’t heat up the house by running the oven all day and then arguing with kibitzers about what cooking temperature to use and for how long. Plus you won’t have to baste.
Lost recipe? No problem.
Zoom isn’t perfect. Seances are even iffier. But think of the money you’ll save on food and wine. And the cleanup will be much easier than usual.
--There are many in America who may not eat at all tomorrow. And many of those who do will have nothing that comes close to a traditional holiday dinner unless you ordinarily celebrate with an American Cheese on White and eight ounces of milk. Maybe a little ketchup. Reagan told us ketchup is a vegetable.
With whole families out of work, or corona infected and destitute, starvation has become as traditional here as it is in Somalia, just not yet as common.
Empty larders; empty wallets.
Some seniors have to choose whether to fill their prescriptions or fill part of the empty shelf where they would keep cans of beans, packages of spaghetti and squeeze bottles of those Reaganistic “vegetables.”
America has the tools and resources to fix this. And fix it, it may once we have a real president and congress comes back from its seemingly endless vacation.
Shame on the government for allowing this to happen, and shame on us for putting in place a government that knows no shame.
I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Any Questions? firstname.lastname@example.org
Wishing you and yours a happy, peaceful and covid-free holiday.
© WIR 2020